Last but not least, this is my dedications post, and will very likely be my last post on my website (Blacky Wacky, do NOT fuck with the SQL. I'm fucking warning you. Don't fuck with me on this one). I'm definitely saving the best for last.
Over the years, a lot of people have come and gone, come back, left again, etc. It's been like a standard community in that sense. I think the main thing that hurt us was that we grew older; we didn't have anyone to come in to replace the ones that grew out of this place, and sometimes, when it comes to bringing in new members, the history, precedents, and time-honoured traditions of a community can cause more harm than good; we almost became our own worst enemy because sometimes, we applied rulings and dealt with people in a certain way for no other reason than because it's how it was done in the past.
But over the years, a lot of people affected me more than the average member. It's my sincere hope that I get those people mentioned in this, the last chance I'll have to either thank them for enriching my life the way they have, or negatively affecting it, sometimes both.
To Terranigma Freak: We talked earlier today. And I have to remark: thinking back, I feel like a fool because a lot of the things that ended up happening - the perception of FESS from outsiders, Jet's betrayal that you called, and all of the things I thought strange, even aloof at the time... they came true.
Eaichu: The old days were fantastic. you, Jet and I really were the "Big 3", and I dare another community of a niche fandom to replicate what we were able to pull off.
Things soured over the years; I still negatively view your actions towards Dale, and the lack of respect you started to show just about everyone until recently. It felt like a growing phase, and I can only be thankful you seem to have grown up.
Meantime, what I can say is thank you for your loyal service to the Fire Emblem fandom over the years. You're definitely one of the builders, and all I really did was work off of your foundation.
Jet Enduro - The sad thing is, my instincts were telling me things. The way you fucked over Neon, the way you played with Rosa's emotions... you were quietly attaining a record as a quiet, but very efficient twat, but I didn't really want to address it because I was worried about a member revolt. Naturally, Dale felt the same way, and he held off on you, because anytime you got a bug up your ass, FESSChat became alight with how stupid Dale or anyone else that got in your way was.
Then Dale finally did the inevitable, and sent you on your way. And you, 1st Mate Bob, Chaos, Seichi and some other puppies proved us, and TF, all right.
You said you were sorry about what you did. I didn't believe you, and still don't. You always were a coward that couldn't handle being addressed directly by anyone. You always were a pussy who hid everything; you hid your location, you hid your motives, I still think you even hid your name and identity, hiding behind a pseudonym. You're just like Ramza Lateralus, only you tend not to victimize teenage girls.
I won't lose one wink of sleep if I were to go home and found out you'd committed suicide or something happened to you. Not because of what you did to FESS - if anything, your act indirectly expanded our lifespan - but what you did to my friends.
Zephyr Shakuraus - If there's one thing that infuriates me, it's the reaction people have to you at Serenes Forest. Everyone's so happy to see you! You've fit right in over there, and meanwhile, all I can think about is there was any justice in the system I set up, you'd have been run out of the fandom, relegated to FEFF for the rest of your life.
So fit in with the 14 year old kids and fairweather members over at SF, Andrew. But remember this: I know you. And I know why you lost it and let Jet into our board. You did it because you have virtually no control over your emotions and your mental state. You're a Looney Toon, Andrew! You always were - don't think for a moment that your promotion to FESS being the "best moment of (your) life" didn't off warning bells, I even said something about that at the time - and really, always will be. You can put up a good public front for only so long, but I know what's lurking inside that head of yours, and it's all I can do to hope you can keep it inside before you legitimately hurt someone, because that's an ugly, sad place.
Just like when you participated in the last incident, I pity you. And again, I'll leave it up to you as to which - pity, or outright scorn - is worse.
Synnthetic - I remember how much you wanted to help people and make them smile. Your drawn cards to me every Christmas (which I still have, BTW) were beautiful, and I remember how you gave us your webspace and name for free.
I do regret my reaction to you when Velthomer went down, and apologize. I was insulted, and maybe didn't realize how busy your life was at school. I wish I'd have kept that perspective, because when I take into account all of your good intentions, one mistake is meaningless. It was petty of me.
To the members that left - You guys mean just as much to my time here as the ones that stuck around. Shoen, Lord Pent, Sindy L., Minaya, and the other members that I used to help out in the early FESS1 days... don' t think I'll forget you guys.
Fachiki - It's funny how we'd be talking about sex one minute then having a serious, enlightening debate the next. It's almost too bad you've moved on and that I haven't talked to you in awhile, but on the other hand, I know you're doing OK, and that you grew up. I still don't know how much of you was fact and how much was fiction, but I think I can at least give you a few benefits of the doubt.
Autumn_Sacura - You're proof positive that it's possible to be TOO talented. I remember the times you'd open up requests, and be absolutely flooded with retards posting the same shit, until you finally got sick of doing Fire Emblem altogether. It's tragic that you don't pay much attention to it anymore, but I rate you as my personal favourite artist, which is HIGH praise coming from someone that is good friends with people like MAN, DTN, Neonclover, Synnthetic, and others. Your easy going personality was also a tremendous benefit to us as a community, and I miss that you left us, though I'm happy that you are your own woman.
My advice: keep doing your own thing, kiddo.
dilbertschalter - I really don't like you much; I think you're a twat that just likes to stir the pot, but really, you know that already.
But man, did we make some good fireworks in the serious forum.
Dark Twilkitri - You were one of our steadiest moderators I ever had. There's a reason I kept you on even as your activity waned; you were consistent to a T, and I felt we needed that. You are an admirable part of this fandom who's influence extends well past this forum.
Gamersara - To think, you were one of the top mods when I came on.
You were another one that did your job perfectly for what it was. You engaged the members, and kept an air of consistency that you can be proud of. I'm proud to have had you on our staff.
Popo - Man, I wish you were more active in the non-art and writing forums. You're one of the more brilliant minds I put on our staff - it's ridiculous that you're only 18 - and I wish I'd have been able to promote you a few years ago, when you would have been able to make a significant impact on the community as a whole. WIthout that, though, you're still a cherished opinion, because you're definitely not afraid to slap my wrist when it's warranted. That's... more rare than it should be.
Arf, Hurricane, Nightmare, NomadicTrooperGirl - I put you guys together because I've watched you all grow up over the years. It's been startling. NTG, you were what, ten? Now you're almost a fully grown woman. Arf, it's very hard to believe that the kid that was posting drivel on FESS1 has a legitimate shot of going to an Ivy League college now. Hurricane, you still have a precocious childishness to you, but that's not a bad thing; you have a very solid head on your shoulders. And Nightmare, you've grown into a fine young man, and I meant what I wrote on that cover. Forgive me for sounding old, but helping the lot of you grow up - especially the first three - is something I'm honoured to have done, and is one of the things I'm most proud of.
M.A.N. and D.T.N. - I put you guys together just because... well, it feels right.
You two are more than just great artists that have provided me with top-notch art for avatars and signatures over the years; you're good friends of mine. Mel, you have a terrific way of getting points across without coming across as malicious that I wish I could pick up, personally. And Del, hopefully, you'll get past your shyness, because you're much brighter than you give yourself credit for. I'm proud to have you two as friends.
Bardiche - It's too bad time zones are such a bitch, because I wish we could talk more. We share a few things: love of certain video games, and I think you're one of the few people I know that curses more than I do.
I still perk up whenever I see an LJ post from you (mainly because I know the eclipse is coming), but also because you have a great way of putting things. I'm glad I was able to befriend you before you left our community.
TheEnd - As I stated before... I never really got over what you said to me about why you think I vetted Sorakh. I don't think I ever will; it was a harsh insult. Still, for what it's worth, I do - and always have - valued your input as a devil's advocate, and I couldn't have picked a better person to make my first staff hire.
Willfor - Like TheEnd, you oftentimes play a fantastic Devil's Advocate because you have an ability to stay calmer than I do; you have a talent for hitting the right spot to break me out of a potential temper tantrum. You were a solid staff member, and brought great credit to our RPG board, but most importantly to me, despite our differences on religion and politics, I consider you a friend. It's nice to be able to agree to disagree.
CO Raptor - You're like Twilkitri with image talent. I remember the tutorial you made for spriting and how well it was done. You were a credit to that part of the board, and though image manipulation has never been our strongest suit, I think you led the most talented group of spriters in the fandom, along with the Dragons. Bravo.
ArmorDragon - It's a bit sad that we don't talk like we used to, but I take solace in the fact that you grew up. You're not the needy kid that you were a few years back; you've become a full man with a degree, and to be honest with you, that makes my head spin a bit. I'm sure we'll occasionally bitch about the Yankees and Mets, with Ed getting involved for the full Red Sox three-way, and hopefully, we can talk a bit more than we have recently.
Sara Jaye - It's too bad that you never really were much of a member here, but that's OK; I don't think of you as a FESSer. I think of you as someone that loves Fire Emblem, and is also a very close and trusted friend. I love how we can disagree, but then come back stronger than ever. You're a great, caring person, and sometimes, the only person that doesn't see that is you. You just need some confidence in yourself, hon.
Sorakh - You're like the pesky little sister that annoys the piss out of me, gets tossed around, embarrasses me in front of my friends... and that I would gladly defend to the death if the situation warranted it. I never did understand your wanton need to escape reality, but it doesn't matter to me; you're another one I'm ecstatic to have seen grow up, and despite the fact we don't talk much, you're just as good a friend to me as always, and if other people want to see nothing more than the superfluous bullshit... their loss. I don't play that game,and I'm grateful for that.
Fox - And to think I used to call you Sprinkles.
You were actually someone I was going to consider hiring for staff; you grew more and more solid as you grew older, it's too bad circumstances prevented it from happening. Either way, you know I'll be there with you at the Ashtray.
Fenix - I barely think of you as a FESSer at this point, and sometimes remember that 1) your sister was, and 2) that I met you through her.
Either way, you're not only a great football partner, but a solid person to talk to, too. I don't agree with you on everything - I'll never understand your religion - but I do consider you a friend.
Sword Saint - It's too bad our timing was off. You'd have been a great root admin at a better time for your skillset. Still, you were - and still are - the best advocate for the members we've ever had, and you connect with them in ways that I could only dream of. Here's hoping FESSChat sticks around with you running it.
Togie - They say being a runner up is never a good thing. It is when you're a runner up twice; you were my second pick for root admin, and Dale's second pick for it as well. It's too bad you never got the position that I felt you deserved to have at least once. As it stands, you're our most tenured remaining member, and a great friend to me. I pray you get the chance to take care of Camilla like you both deserve.
Crystal Shards - We fought a bit recently, and hell, the first time we talked years ago, we fought. But in between those fights, you proved yourself a capable staff member, a talented webmistress, a solid moderator, and most importantly, someone I know I can go to in a pinch. You're more than a friend, you're someone I can trust. That's high praise... really, there's not much higher praise than that. I wish you and Michael luck, and look forward to contributing my reviews to Mercury more.
Iris - Still, after all these years, we see eye to eye on so many things, and reasonably talk out the things that we don't; have we ever had a fight? Even a temperate disagreement? You're an awesome friend, and I truly do adore you.
And we definitely need to re-swap addresses soon; you have cookies, and I have more Mega Man pieces.
Lord Glenn - You're another one I wish I'd have promoted longer ago; couldn't you have been a couple of years older? You're a ridiculously talented administrator that combines my toughness with Dale's advocacy. As long as you remember to treat the members more like peers and less like subordinates, you'll be a great admin over at SF, which is why I recommended you.
Samuraiter - We disagree on a few things here and there. There was the issue with you pushing for Blacky Wacky's banning against my wishes. And there was also the issue of you bringing up taking FESS down everytime I brought it up.
But I know where your heart lies, and that you had my best interests in mind, even if I had issues remembering that at times. You're a very trusted friend, one of the few I have that can remember as much about pop culture as I do due to you being my age, and a terrific foil that I can have civic disagreements with. I learn something from you almost every day.
Jyosua - You fucking define irony.
You started out as one of the most annoying members I ever had. Seriously; I cringed when you came online, because I knew soon after, you were going to be bombarding me with IMs about stupid shit, like a puppy that wants to be taken out for a walk. Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!
You had a serial disconnect between your posting fingers and your brain, and it was that that caused you to be disciplined so many times, until I had to pull the plug on you and ban you in 2005, in an incident that caused weeks and weeks and weeks of wank. I have the LJ entries to prove THAT.
Eventually, you would try to come back, get rejected, come back, rejected, in, out. It was like a Tom and Jerry cartoon, and you were the one getting whacked with the mallet. Over that time, you were growing up, but you still had your moments, like someone with Tourette's, who is fine for ten minutes then CUNTFUCKWHOREASSCLITSUCKBOBBARKER. "Reverend, please excuse my friend, he didn't mean to interrupt the funeral..."
Now look at you. You're a grown man, and running the forums that I sent my members to at the end. Not only that, you're proving to be a highly competent administrator at that; you took a page or two out of my book, but you didn't take chapters; you have a great way of connecting with your members, and doing things your way. Amazing. I'm truly amazed that the punk 15 year old I banned in '05 has become the biggest forum administrator in the fandom, and not only that, is doing it well.
You'll be fine with SF. I know that much. My members will be fine. And don't think for a moment that your steadiness was one of the reasons I made the final decisions that I did. Knowing your history, THAT is a testament to how far you've come.
And in addition to that, you've become a good, trusted friend.
DMAJohnson - It's criminal that your root adminship was thrown off course by the likes of fucking Jet, Leaf and Chaos. It's criminal that certain people insist you never "did shit". I know better. And I still maintain it: you're the best person I could have picked for the job of being the root administrator, you kept the inevitable from happening for well over a year, and I consider you as being one of the most important members we've ever had. Your work on the website was the best we've ever had - yes, the best - and the fact that you strongly considered demanding the board back from me shows where your heart lies, even if you're a bit too bitter right now to admit that.
You're an awesome friend, and a member of our community in the truest sense.
Blacky Wacky - As a FESSer, your history is spotty. Some good, some bad, the bad stands out more than the good to most members.
But one incident to me trumps all of the bad, and then some: when Jet and Zephyr did their duty, and I came in and got things back under control, I picked a small group of people that I trusted above all others. The admins that remained were on that list. Three people I knew could be there in the clutch to kick ass and take names: Raptor, Samuraiter, and you. I knew, when all else was said and done, that there was no one I trusted more in that position, and for those people that felt that Ed got away with more than other members, you know what? You're damn right he did! Because when the shit hit the fan, Ed was the first person I called. Number one. I went with the people I personally knew had my - and our - back. So if not banning Blacky Wacky makes me an asshole... then fuck you, I'm an asshole.
Ed, you know I trust you with about everything I have. You, Aileen, Samu, Terrell, and Anne. Five people that I know can be there if I need anything, ever. I'm privileged by that; I know what I have, even if you are a bit of an asshole.
Neonclover - April 1st, 2005.
You've told me time and time again that I should stop being an emo idiot about that date. You've told me that you were over it.
But a funny thing happens whenever I think about that date. It makes me stronger .It makes me take a good, long, hard look at the woman that often sleeps to my left, and the pain that would happen if I were to cheat on her, and repeat the only time in my life, on April 1st of 2005 in Sackville, NB, that I lost my discipline and ended up ending a terrific relationship.
You're still one of my best friends. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to, I definitely want to pick up the pace. I love you like a trusted friend, and it's amazing that despite what I did that day, you still trust me as a good friend. It's more than I could ever ask for.
I'll be there anytime you need me. Don't ever forget that.
Kyuusei - You basically kept me in the fandom.
See, it was because of you that I got a Livejournal, to read yours. It was because of you that I stuck around the FE6 forums more. It was because of you that I started popping into the old AIM chats, and shit, even got MSN in the first place (remember when I called you "Kim" initially?
).
In the time that I've known you, we dated for awhile, and at other times went very hot and heavy. I regret none of it; though it didn't work out, we've established a friendship that will last for as long as we do. We click on hockey, on music, and on just... bullshitting with each other.
I feel that we went through the full circle of love. When I first met you, I loved your intelligence and the fact that yeah, you were hot; puppy love. Then when we started getting closer, I loved you as a mate and a potential sex partner. Despite breaking up, I still loved you as a friend. Later, I loved you as a love lost, and hopefully one I could reclaim. But now, and for a while, I've loved you as I would family. That's purer than the "love" one feels when he wants to stick his cock into someone else; it's strong. It's unconditional. And I do love you, hon.
We need to work on your choice of hockey teams. But other than that? I wouldn't change a thing.
Laylea - Unlike Liz, I never had a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean the bond isn't just as strong. You're basically my little sister, if I happened to have a sister with "Mediterranean" (read: mutt) blood, and also happened to be Jewish. You're starkly brilliant; your perceptiveness is just as incredible as your academic prowess.
But what stands out to me is something that stood out in the card you sent me, randomly, in the mail, like the texts you're prone to sendig me: our friendship is something that we can put down, on a shelf, and come back to whenever we get the chance. We can go without talking for months because of whatever in our lives, and at the end, when we start talking again, it's like we never stopped. I truly adore that.
We've helped each other get through some very tough times. I'm sure we'll be there for each other even more. And frankly, I wouldn't change a thing. I love you, Anne; you're the sister I never had.
And finally, last but not least...
Hinata - To think: you're the only person that could have made me jealous of Shawn.
I remember thinking that we had a smart chick on our forums that was of dating age; for a forum with a heavy female membership at the time (unlike now; we ended as kind of a sausage fest), that in itself wasn't abnormal, but what I do remember - other than the Matthew avatar - was that you had a certain charm that came up even off of bland message board posts. I remember that you started friending people on various journals, and then heard that you were getting close to Shawn. "Oh, fuck", I felt; I was somewhat intrigued, but kind of frustrated that Shawn - who had a tumultuous relationship with his last girlfriend - was in the picture, as I was worried that he was using you as a rebound. I was proven right; he and his girlfriend tried again,and you were the third wheel.
Eventually, we got to talking, at which point you would call me Chris Benoit/Jericho/O'Donnel/Iforgettherest, and though we talked rarely, I looked forward to it; you are a truly charming individual, even if you didn't realize it until much later (and still don't fully get it
), and I felt the radiance off of our conversations; there was a pureness about you that I found irresistable, and not like most men (who want to defile that), but it was.. enlightening. You made me smile.
Eventually, we talked more and more, and grew closer and closer, and during that time, I would talk about you to Anne. I would describe myself as "smitten"; I might still have those logs, because they're pathetic. Here I was, 25 years old, swooning like a high school freshman; it's amazing that I didn't write bad poetry about it. Anne thought it was cute, and thankfully, when I lost my head and started looking towards a local girl - not because I really liked her, but because she was local - she slapped me straight. Frequently. Forcefully. BTW, it's no wonder we're considering her for the post that we are at our wedding.
I remember letting it "slip" that I liked you; there was a silence, but thankfully, you didn't run away. In fact, though you were concerned about my past sexual history, you accepted me. You accepted me into your room. Into your arms .Into your life. We grew more and more comfortable with each other as we grew as a couple, and you became more than my lover: you became my best friend, my most trusted confidant.
It's been almost three years, Aileen. Three years of the best time of my life. We've done it all together, been through it all, still have issues with your bigoted parents, but it's a testament to us that we're still together. And though we don't tell your parents (we should get a picture in front of that Starbucks that we "met" at; for those reading along, I hate Starbucks), it's all because we met here, at this board.
I once considered proposing to you here, in an announcement thread (and having half the board cry power abuse, surely). Sadly, circumstances got in the way of that (though I ended up making another plan long before I made the decision to close this board; you'll find out what that plan is someday~), but I do know that I want to marry you. I figure our engagement is a formality, as is our eventual wedding; I already consider you my soulmate, and just cannot wait to make it official, and put my name on yours.
I love you, Aileen. I cannot wait to share life with you. Share a house. Kids .A family. My life. I want to have it all with you, honey. And I'll work at that until I no longer breathe air.
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That will very likely be my final post on this forum. I don't know how this is going to hit me in an hour, when I close posting for good. But I do know that this has been the most significant thing to happen to me in my life. I mean that. FESS has led me to most of my current friends, my last three girlfriends, a good deal of leadership experience, and the jumping point to my writing career, and my time as a big name fan in this fandom.
And all because I wanted to learn more about a game I bought to entertain myself while out to see while I was in the Navy.
Thank you all for being members. I'll never forget you.
